I seem to have gone through a few iterations of myself as I have travelled through life. When I was young, I always wanted to abide by the rules and hated getting in trouble. As a teen, I started to question rules and regulations and especially, moral guidelines. When it came to the Bible and God's rules I struggled as I realised how at odds they were with the world around me. I didn't understand why God would put such restrictions on me and it seemed as how everyone around me was having fun, these rules would distance me from my peers and restrict me unnecessarily.
Having pulled against the rules that seemingly shackled me from enjoying myself, I gradually became increasingly free to stretch the boundaries that 'Biblical morality' had placed on me and embraced the world's view of enjoyment and morality. Having lived many years with the consequences of this lifestyle I came to the realisation that this 'freedom' that I had 'found' had actually caused me incredible heartache, pain and suffering to myself and those I loved. I hadn't become some moral monster and done anything that the world would not condone, but I came to a point where I looked at my life and realised that if I had lived my life according to God's moral boundaries rather than the world's, I would have been saved from much of the emotional pain and consequences that afflicted me.
Where I had been unable to see the reasons for the morality that God teaches in the Bible, I came to understand and value the protective nature that was behind every 'no' and 'you mustn't do that' bit of advice.
Looking back I now see that part of the problem was that I didn't trust God to provide for my life within His boundaries, a life that would be fulfilling and enjoyable for me. I believed that I could only achieve such a thing by getting out into the world and grabbing life by both hands myself... isn't that what we're taught in society?
When I finally became ready to accept God's guidance and his rules for my life, I finally saw how many years of my life I had wasted trying to make myself happy, and how I had placed myself outside of His protection by walking on my own path. Turning back to God and relying on Him to provide for my happiness and follow His guidance for my life, took away the pressure of having to wrestle my life into what I thought it should look like. I know that God wants the best for me and I know that He is much more able to provide for me in every circumstance.
Jesus himself says, "So I tell you, continue to ask, and God will give to you. Continue to search, and you will find. Continue to knock, and the door will open for you. Yes, whoever continues to ask will receive. Whoever continues to look will find. And whoever continues to knock will have the door opened for them. Do any of you have a son? What would you do if your son asked you for a fish? Would any father give him a snake? Or, if he asked for an egg, would you give him a scorpion? Of course not! Even you who are bad know how to give good things to your children. So surely your heavenly Father knows how to give the Holy Spirit to the people who ask him.” - Luke 11:9-13
If you find yourself in a position where you are questioning your life choices today, turn to God and ask Him to guide you. He has your best interests at heart, it may not be what the world says is right for you, but God may surprise you by showing you that happiness is not where you thought it would be.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7